A Post About A Post That Makes Me Angry

Let me start this by stating, very clearly, that I am not a physician, psychologist or lactation consultant. I am not an expert on breastfeeding, post partum disorders or child development. I am writing from my own body of experience in the hope that if there is a new mother who is struggling with breastfeeding, that she will read this and feel some measure of comfort and hope.

Since becoming a mother nearly five years ago I’ve formed many opnions about parenting, but this is the most fundamental: for the most part, mothers, and really all parents, are trying to do the best they can with what they have for their children. Certainly there are notable exceptions, which bear no further mention here. Beyond those exceptional cases, I truly believe that all parents regardless of their gender, race, creed, education level, socio-economic status, or any other number of factors that can serve to differentiate us just want what is best for their children and are willing to make any number of sacrifices to ensure their children’s health, happiness and ultimate success in life. And in believing that, I feel, in a way united with anyone that has embarked on the crazy ride that is parenting. We are in this together.

So tonight, when I read this blog post by Darcia Narvaez published on Psychology Today’s website in which she makes some pretty scary claims about the dangers of formula feeding in, what I can only describe in an extremely divisive and judgemental manner, little alarm bells started sounding in my head. This is an issue that hits very close to my heart, as I had many problems breastfeeding my first child, and still more challenges with my second, for no lack of effort on my part.

The research is clear. Breastfeeding is best. Science supports its positive contribution to infant health, immune system development, etc.  And there is plenty of evidence that suggests that breastfeeding can be tremendously beneficial in establishing a strong bond between mother and baby. All of this is true. All of this I believe. And for these reasons and more, I set out to breastfeed both of my babies.

Had Narvaez’s post simply restated these commonly held truths, I’d not be compelled to write this and it’s highly unlikely that I would have even read her post.

Unfortunately, Narvaez’s article doesn’t seem to be rooted in established fact or science, nor does it appear to be written from a perspective of believing that mothers are trying to do the best for their babies. Quite the contrary. Her article, and the rhetoric found within it, serves up a strong negative message to women: If you don’t breastfeed you are bad, lazy and selfish and your children risk any number of terrible, potentially fatal consequences that no normal mother would wish on her child.

Here’s what’s dangerous about extolling the virtues of breastfeeding while damning the only feasible readily available alternative to feeding an infant. When a mother (like I am) did all she could do (as I did) to make breastfeeding work, and when it doesn’t, despite her very best efforts, how is that mother supposed to feel?

This mother (me) feels angry. Angry first, that the editorial staff of Psychology Today would even allow these statements to be published and presented as facts, as they are in this post. Where is the longitudinal study that establishes a causal link between formula feeding and eating disorders? What study has shown that children who aren’t breastfed are less attached to their mother? Where is the nutritional needs analysis that demonstrates that feeding formula to infants is equivalent (in it’s deficiency) as feeding only bread and water to a young child? All of these statements are presented, as fact, and under the masthead of Psychology Today, giving them further credence and validity. Shameful.

Secondly, this mother is angry that Dr. Narvaez suggests there are a large and readily available number of alternatives to formula when breastfeeding is not working. She suggests milk banks, and while I whole-heartedly support milk bank donations when a mother’s supply of breastmilk is far greater than her baby is demanding, at present in the United States, I’m unaware of milk banks that allow a mother to purchase milk at will. The website of the Human Milk Banking Association of America (HMBAA) cites that breastmilk is donated to “fragile infants,” those born prematurely or with other health issues. And, it doesn’t seem that there’s a milk bank on every corner. So what is a mother, who is trying to breastfeed and having issues supposed to do? Call a local wet nurse? Come on.

All articles like this do is serve to plant the seeds of fear and doubt in mothers who are in many cases trying to do the very best for their babies. All articles like this do is add fuel to what I see as a growing fire of constant critique and ridicule of mothers in our society today. It would be refreshing if we could all stop taking as our default position that women are not doing all they believe they can for their children and need more education about how they could be doing better.

Finally, and most importantly this mother is angry because I fear that a new mother who is struggling to establish a milk supply, who is fearing the worst for her baby as she compulsively counts wet diapers, who sets an alarm every two hours to wake to pump her breasts (even though her baby is sleeping for five hours each night), who takes an off-label medication that causes some people to lactate as a side effect even though it carries with it other on-label warnings about its risks for causing depression and other mood disorders, who cries every time she pumps for twenty minutes and only produces one ounce of breastmilk…I fear that mother might read this and feel the same feelings of complete failure, sadness, anxiety and fear that I did when nothing that I did worked. No one should ever feel that way. I repeat, no one.

Again, I repeat, shame on Psychology Today for offering endorsement for what I see as a post sharing an opinion that is not rooted in good science or fact. And shame on you, Darcia Narvaez for penning this from such a divisive perspective. This mother doesn’t find it helpful, and I would imagine many others do not as well.