The Thing I Never Thought I Would Say

If parenting has taught me one thing it is that any preconceived notions of how I would behave as a parent, how it would feel, or how I would be as a person after becoming Mommy were completely unfounded. Not wrong, per se, just ill formed. That, and no matter how well you plan for it, your kid will definitely have a poopy blow out on the morning when you have a very important early meeting requiring a bath, and a change for both you and said child, and while you may be close to having a premature heart attack at 32, you will live through it and still manage to be on time.

I do not miss work. When we discussed and eventually decided for me to take this time off, I thought I would miss the adult interaction, the fulfillment that came from launching a major project, the ego boost I used to get with each promotion, bonus, new office. I don't. I don't miss the stress. I do not yearn for a constant obsession and striving over the balance in time to ensure that my child and now children feel that they are my first priority. I do not have any desire to live through another child's first day at daycare as a baby.

So I am presented with this dilemma: The money ends in March. Our current financial situation affords much flexibility and freedom to do what we want, travel when we want, etc., and neither of us want that to end. Yet, I know I cannot return to a full-time corporate work climate after this experience. What to do...what to do? My mind is full of options, all interesting ones, and yet I can't seem to focus on starting any one of them.

(And, can you blame me? I mean, look at those faces.)