Watermelon!

Warm weather has officially returned to our region, and I'm beyond thrilled. This is our fourth consecutive day of temps over 70 degrees so I think it's safe to assume that we're in the green until at least next October. I hope.

Spring relaxes me. I love the feeling of both of the kids in bed with thirty minutes of daylight to kill, warm nights, putting socks away until the fall...love love love.

We had an unplanned celebration of Spring tonight when Skip ran out to the store to grab dinner, and returned with the makings of burgers...perfection! The children loved their dinner, and to finish the evening, we cut up a watermelon and gave Charlotte her first slice.

There is a certain joy I have in watching Charlotte experience things for the first time, that is many times, tempered by a certain sadness that I wasn't able to enjoy things with Alex through these same eyes. I was too tightly wound, too scared, too crazy. I never would have given Alex a whole slice of watermelon at 14 months. I would have been too busy obsessing over choking hazards, possible allergic reactions, and a million other worst case scenarios that would likely never happen. Had I had access to a boy-sized bubble four years ago, indubitably, he would have been in it.

Some days I feel like I missed out on a lot because of that fear, that intense, obsessive worry. Some days I yearn for the ability to go back and redo those first 14 months of his life. But I can't go back. I do, at times, wish I had more memories of firsts like this with him.

Though, it does occur to me that perhaps one of the reasons why these days are so sweet, so positive, so full of promise, is because of those first months of Alex's life that we shared. Maybe my eyes would not have seen tonight this way. I'll never know.

Tonight was crazy fun, regardless.


Watermelon Rules from Carrie Hill on Vimeo.